Let Me Fix that For You!

There was a time not long ago when I really wanted to fix a dear friend of mine. Her life was turning into a shambles and she couldn't seem to find the answers to any of her problems.
I on the other hand, from where I was standing, could see multiple ways she could make things better.
Wanting to help her I gently pointed out a few things she could do to pull herself out of what looked like a free fall into a crash and burn situation.
She agreed with most things I said but I could see I wasn't making much of an impression. She's depressed, I decided. Well, we can fix that! A Zumba class! Lively Latin music, dance, exercise and fun all rolled into one neat prescription for depression. She just stared at me. Okay, maybe I should have started with Yoga. Maybe, she said. Thinking I'd found an inroad I plied her with numbers to call and even gave her the names of a couple of Yoga instructors I knew.
Nothing happened. Maybe it was a nutritional thing. Should she try cutting out wheat? Sugar? Maybe, she said.
What about nicotine? To me this was the obvious thing. No! She refused.

***

The key phrase here is; from where I was standing. It's the totally wrong vantage point. If I'm going to fix her I have to be standing where she is. In her shoes and walking her path. The trouble is, that's not possible. As close as I am to her, I have no way of knowing everything that's going on in her life. From the outside looking in it seems that her life should be very good. A hard working husband, good kids, a comfortable home. What am I missing?
Nearly everything. No one can get into the soul of another person. No one knows the inner workings of someone elses marriage, someone elses family or home life. No one knows everything about anyone elses background, childhood and how that may be playing into the present circumstances.
Except for the person who is living that life.
So maybe I should abandon all my efforts to help?
I don't think so. I just have to understand that she is the only one who can help. If she wants to. She has to decide to fix things for herself. What if she doesn't want to? Well, you may stay awake at night worrying and fussing and getting frustrated with her but it won't help anyone.
So with this friend of mine, who I love, I have decided that she has to make her own choices. She has to walk her own path. And I have to be okay with whatever she decides to do. I can be here for her anytime of the day or night she needs to talk to someone. I can support her decisions - whether I agree with them or not - remembering that what may not be right for me, might be okay for her. And I have to keep reminding myself that I cannot walk her path for her. I can be there if she trips and I can pick her up if she falls and give the encouragement she needs to keep moving forward. And I can pray that it's enough.

***

 It's snowing again today! A chance to make new footprints in the snow and if you feel like it, change the direction of footsteps past. If not, keep on moving forward.

Be Happy.