Today is Drew's 30th birthday. He said to me once, when he was 17, hot and sweaty on the way home from football practice, ""I don't think I'm going to live to be very old." Well, he was right - he wouldn't be here on earth, living with us on this earthly plain today - when he should have turned thirty earth years old.
But strange things happen around my house, as you may have read, and today was no exception. Make of this what you will.
Karen and Michael, my two adult children arrived today with Mary Katherine and Randy and all of their children - my grandchildren. This made a difficult day much easier for me, as you can imagine. Children charging all over the place, (Miss Kitty flew the coop) baseball lit up the TV most of the afternoon, and plans for the week were tumbling over each other as they dug out skies, kayaks and paddles, tubes and pumps for the tubes and the blow up beds.
We also had a birthday party - for Drew, and for all of us because living all over the country, we don't often get to spend a birthday together. Two cakes, chocolate and vanilla - and candles. We lit the candles, gathered everyone around the table and as we began to sing Happy Birthday to Everybody, ONE candle blew out. All the others stayed lit throughout the song. Obviously someone puffed too hard on the "Hhhhappy... " and possibly blew ONE candle out - and only one candle - right at the beginning of the song.
It's the timing that's important. And its significance.
And I don't believe in Coincidence. Think Drew was there? Duh! :)
A Shaft of Light
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Does Like Attract Like?
Does it? It all depends.
If I'm walking along a sidewalk on my way to work, irritated to death with being bumped and jostled, looking disgusted, possibly thunderous, I can promise you, no one looking at me is going to feel like smiling and spreading rose petals around my feet. Chances are, I'm going to make them feel even more disgusted than they thought they were when they joined this rat race. On the other hand if I'm walking along a sidewalk humming a ditty, beaming at everyone I see, spreading good cheer and jolly good vibes - at 7:30 a.m. - someone walking around looking thunderous is going to sock me!
So, No. Like does not always attract like. It's like most things - use your common sense. Or your intuition. Intuition works well and isn't threatening.
At a recent book presentation, a young woman approached me and said, "I'm so confused. You read all this stuff about "Don't be negative, it attracts negativity. Stay positive at all times ..." Here's the problem, I have a good friend who's just lost a young child. I feel so sad (negative) when I'm around her that I'm scared to death this stuff is catching and if I spend too much time with her it's going to contaminate me and I may lose my own five year old child!"
No, no, and NO!
What happened to the child that died had nothing to do with anybody but that child's spirit. Here's what I believe: A spirit is born into this world for a purpose, and when it has accomplished what it came in to do, it leaves. A spirit enters this world in human form with its very own agenda. Its has its own blueprint that's charted the course of this life on earth. Nobody can change that! Not a mother, not a father, not a friend. No matter how positive or negative everyone is. The spirit itself is the only one that can change the course of that blueprint. That spirit could be surrounded with negativity and live to be a Katie Couric or a Queen Elizabeth or Donald Trump - if that's what it's plan is. Alternatively, it could be surrounded by loving people, good teachers and good friends and die young for a million other reasons - according to its blueprint.
So please know this, your friends who have lost children need you. They've lost too much already to have to face losing you - because you're afraid to get too close to them because it's just too sad and it might cause you to lose someone you love. It doesn't work that way. This is not contagious.
But I don't blame anyone for wanting to shy away. Death in our culture is a scary thing. It's much easier to deal with if we don't go near it.And the thought of losing a child is a very, very scary thing. So, stand back if it helps, think it through, be okay with it if you can and even if you can't, remember that friend whose reality this has become. Be there. Be honest, all it takes is something like - "I have no idea what you must be going through - but I'm here if you need me."
What helped me the most was to be able to talk about Drew. So next time you see me say, "Tell me about your son." And I will give you the biggest smile you've ever seen and love you for asking. And bend your ear for the next three hours - or until you sock me.
So, get over it, worried Girlfriend, uncomfortable Man friend - help us deal with something that was completely foreign to us too - before all this happened. :)
If I'm walking along a sidewalk on my way to work, irritated to death with being bumped and jostled, looking disgusted, possibly thunderous, I can promise you, no one looking at me is going to feel like smiling and spreading rose petals around my feet. Chances are, I'm going to make them feel even more disgusted than they thought they were when they joined this rat race. On the other hand if I'm walking along a sidewalk humming a ditty, beaming at everyone I see, spreading good cheer and jolly good vibes - at 7:30 a.m. - someone walking around looking thunderous is going to sock me!
So, No. Like does not always attract like. It's like most things - use your common sense. Or your intuition. Intuition works well and isn't threatening.
At a recent book presentation, a young woman approached me and said, "I'm so confused. You read all this stuff about "Don't be negative, it attracts negativity. Stay positive at all times ..." Here's the problem, I have a good friend who's just lost a young child. I feel so sad (negative) when I'm around her that I'm scared to death this stuff is catching and if I spend too much time with her it's going to contaminate me and I may lose my own five year old child!"
No, no, and NO!
What happened to the child that died had nothing to do with anybody but that child's spirit. Here's what I believe: A spirit is born into this world for a purpose, and when it has accomplished what it came in to do, it leaves. A spirit enters this world in human form with its very own agenda. Its has its own blueprint that's charted the course of this life on earth. Nobody can change that! Not a mother, not a father, not a friend. No matter how positive or negative everyone is. The spirit itself is the only one that can change the course of that blueprint. That spirit could be surrounded with negativity and live to be a Katie Couric or a Queen Elizabeth or Donald Trump - if that's what it's plan is. Alternatively, it could be surrounded by loving people, good teachers and good friends and die young for a million other reasons - according to its blueprint.
So please know this, your friends who have lost children need you. They've lost too much already to have to face losing you - because you're afraid to get too close to them because it's just too sad and it might cause you to lose someone you love. It doesn't work that way. This is not contagious.
But I don't blame anyone for wanting to shy away. Death in our culture is a scary thing. It's much easier to deal with if we don't go near it.And the thought of losing a child is a very, very scary thing. So, stand back if it helps, think it through, be okay with it if you can and even if you can't, remember that friend whose reality this has become. Be there. Be honest, all it takes is something like - "I have no idea what you must be going through - but I'm here if you need me."
What helped me the most was to be able to talk about Drew. So next time you see me say, "Tell me about your son." And I will give you the biggest smile you've ever seen and love you for asking. And bend your ear for the next three hours - or until you sock me.
So, get over it, worried Girlfriend, uncomfortable Man friend - help us deal with something that was completely foreign to us too - before all this happened. :)
Friday, July 6, 2012
When the GPS Screws UP!!
I've had some wonderful comments regarding "By Morning's Light" - from people I know, of course and many I don't.
It's so gratifying when people say how much this has helped them through a very bad stretch - or maybe someone they know. And when they tell me they've picked up several copies for people they think it will help - I'm blown away. Made speechless by your thoughtfulness and kindness. And it confirms to me that we're all in this together. We're all walking through this life side by side, and for the most part, we're all reaching out to help each other - to give one another a hand across a chasm in the road, a place where the road has washed away - or where the fog is too dense to see... And while you're standing there spinning in your tracks, shaking your head, thinking "This isn't where I planned to be! Did I miss the road? What's going on?What the heck happened! Damn GPS!" Someone will reach out and say, "I'm here, hold on, we'll find your way back. We'll do this together."
Someone reached out to me not long after this happened to Drew, handed me a journal and said, "Write it all down. Everything. Every thought, every feeling, every memory." This dear friend knew about "chatharsis". She knew that by writing it all down, I would begin to feel better. I wasn't even thinking 'catharsis,' probably couldn't spell it either, but after a while I followed her advice. And as I wrote and relived Drew's life and his death, a strange thing happened. I began to look forward to "journaling" every day. (Something I'd never done.) And about 6 months into this, I actually could feel the load lightening, the darkness lifting. It was then that I began to think that if this could lift me - even a little bit - it might do the same for others And the more I thought about it the more the idea to put it into book form began to grow. And soon, "By Morning's Light" was born - thanks to a friend who reached out and helped me take the first step forward. That was Cindy.
I'm so glad we're all walking through this life together. I would have been lost without you.
It's so gratifying when people say how much this has helped them through a very bad stretch - or maybe someone they know. And when they tell me they've picked up several copies for people they think it will help - I'm blown away. Made speechless by your thoughtfulness and kindness. And it confirms to me that we're all in this together. We're all walking through this life side by side, and for the most part, we're all reaching out to help each other - to give one another a hand across a chasm in the road, a place where the road has washed away - or where the fog is too dense to see... And while you're standing there spinning in your tracks, shaking your head, thinking "This isn't where I planned to be! Did I miss the road? What's going on?What the heck happened! Damn GPS!" Someone will reach out and say, "I'm here, hold on, we'll find your way back. We'll do this together."
Someone reached out to me not long after this happened to Drew, handed me a journal and said, "Write it all down. Everything. Every thought, every feeling, every memory." This dear friend knew about "chatharsis". She knew that by writing it all down, I would begin to feel better. I wasn't even thinking 'catharsis,' probably couldn't spell it either, but after a while I followed her advice. And as I wrote and relived Drew's life and his death, a strange thing happened. I began to look forward to "journaling" every day. (Something I'd never done.) And about 6 months into this, I actually could feel the load lightening, the darkness lifting. It was then that I began to think that if this could lift me - even a little bit - it might do the same for others And the more I thought about it the more the idea to put it into book form began to grow. And soon, "By Morning's Light" was born - thanks to a friend who reached out and helped me take the first step forward. That was Cindy.
I'm so glad we're all walking through this life together. I would have been lost without you.
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