Asking For Signs

I do it all the time. It goes like this:

I'm sure I interpreted this dream right, I know what I saw, I know what I heard - but just in case I didn't - will you show me a sign? 

The question is posed to my panel of spirit friends and family and that huge mass of Universal Intelligence  out there. And I always get a sign in reply. It will be the one I asked for, or one that is so individual I can't miss it. Sometimes signs come unasked for. A puff of cigarette smoke, a whiff of my mother's perfume - so out of date you probably can't find it anynmore ... all of them say, "I'm here. I haven't gone anywhere. I've just changed."

Walt, my late husband sends feathers. Drew sends doves and a friend of mine who has lost a daughter finds heart-shaped rocks everywhere she goes.

Yesterday, I spent the day writing (composing) the second book. It's theme is re-incarnation. Did I tell you that? And as I was writing, a phrase occurred to me. "Goodbyes are never what they seem." I wrote it down.

Walking down to the water in the late afternoon, I thought about that phrase again and as I did I noticed two soft breast feathers fluttering on the ground. The ones that grow close to the heart. They were grey with round black spots on them - so pretty. I picked them up and as I did so I smiled and thanked Walt, Drew and the Turtle Dove who dropped them. Then turning to walk away, on the edge of the lake, I noticed a long forgotton rose bush choked by tall grasses, with a single red rose bud. In late October. What do you think?

It's true - good byes are never what they seem.


  

Animal Souls

Have you ever wondered if animals have souls? Are they like ours or are they modified to suit them? I believe they have - whether they're like ours or not, I don't know.
What I do know is that there's a living spirit in Miss Kitty. Miss Kitty, for those of you who missed it, is a half-wild, alternately loving and Alpha-bitchy-fierce Maine Coon who came to live with me about seven years ago. Catitude! I love that word. This little spirit is hyper-energized by Catitude - just ask the three brown dogs that live next door to me. And wish they didn't ...  Because of certain altercations with my cat they keep their eyes on the ground at all times and tiptoe very quietly along the edge of my property. Of course, they are completely lacking in cat-like stealth so this manoever of theirs is not always successful.  Miss Kitty is an inside-outside Feline who guards her borders ferociously, takes the high ground in any situation and holds it. This means that anytime Brown Dogs venture too close to her realm, (she's heard them coming from miles away but they haven't figured that out yet) she's perched (A.)high on my deck rail overlooking whichever direction they're coming from or (B) at the top of the lakeside stairs, curled around the pillar in an attempt to blend in with the wood. Which is unnecessary because the three stooges have their eyes on the ground anyway. And because of this not-so-smart habit of being unaware of their surroundings, I will suddenly hear a volley of scalding yelps,cries and agonized screams and note that Miss Kitty is on the high steps in full Halloween Cat pose, licking her whiskers and squinting down the road at their painful retreat.
Yes, there's a soul inside that furry body. A most spirited soul.
You've seen that soul in your pets too, I know. What I wonder, is did anyone think of the souls of 18 Bengal Tigers that were shot and killed in Ohio yesterday - and God knows how many other hapless animals. What do you think. It's not that I'm Pollyanna-ish about this - I fully understand the devastation 18 tigers are capable of in a populated area. But wasn't there a better way? What in the world were those animals doing in Ohio in the first place? Where are the laws? Where are the people-souls that see fit to remove exotic animals from India and Africa?   
Someone said to me not long ago - "Well! I know for damn sure I ain't decended from no monkey!" Really?
I can think of a lot worse things to be descended from. But that's beside the point.
I wanted to say, "Have you ever looked into the eyes of an Orangutan? " I doubt that he has. If he had, he would have seen the gentlest soul on earth. How wonderful to be descended from a soul that pure.
My old lab Ranger had that sort of soul. I would have loved to have inherited his sweet temperament but I wouldn't have liked to have had a tail and four legs. So I damn sure like the idea of being decended from one of the Great Apes.
Cherish all life, as I know you do.

Brand New Day

Even if you arn't a racing fan, you couldn't miss the event that killed a 33 year old driver on Sunday afternoon. And you couldn't help wondering about those he left behind even though you didn't know them, had never even heard of them. Human suffering has a vibration all its own. It reaches all of us. Like a stone thrown into a pond, its ripples spread across the world, eventually touching the lives of people who had never expected it to, leaving a trace of melancholy to shade our day.

Miss Kitty hasn't heard about the accident, or if she has, it doesn't bother her. That's the way cats are. She woke up this morning, stretched, jumped off the end of my bed and after her handful of morning cookies, she slithered outside through her cat door.

No matter what happens, the new day has arrived. It dawned as surely as it ever has, the first flush of dawn coloring the hilltops in the distance, lighting the darkness slowly but surely. Miss Kitty can smell it. She'll wander her normal route, across the deck, down the steps, pausing to sniff a new pile of leaves that fell from the maple overnight. She'll sniff the cool damp morning for traces of a mole that may have raised his pink nose, speckled with black dirt. She'll reach out and tap at an earthworm that squiggled too far from its earthy home and then she'll continue up the brick walkway, a red carpet under her paws, through the flowerbeds to greet the last buds of summer. Everything is as it should be. Everything is the same.

But for those who are grieving, everything has changed. The new day is choked by the violent events of yesterday and no light can break through the mass of the crushed debris of broken lives.No dawn can soften the memory of the sound of  screeching metal, scarlet flames and the torn asphalt of the track.
In time, a new day will finally dawn, soft and pink and gently light a better day. It's inevitable. But it's arrival is ruled from an invisible realm - it is in the hands of some intagible timekeeper.Whoever that may be.

I hope your day is is a good one. I hope you take time to smell the last buds of summer, and savour that cup of coffee as if it were your last.  

What a Coincidence

Before I tell you about the "coincidence", I want to tell you that The Book is slated for release in June. I can't wait for you to read it. It's so much FUN! I know that sounds weird given it's subject matter - but it is.
The publishers have re-named it. It is now called "By Morning's Light". It took me a while to let go of "Show Me Heaven, Drew" (this is like sending your baby to school for the first time - got to lose some control, got to let go. Ouch.) but now I like it.

So, yesterday was my birthday. Numerologically it worked out like this: (the date 10-10-11) 1+0+1+0+2+0+1+1  =  6. A good number made up of 3s which are full of love. So much love poured in birthday messages. I turned 66. Double good. add those together you get 18 (1+8)  = 9 ... The number of all wishes coming true! What a wonderful day.

All the kids and grandkids called or emailed/texted/facebooked, and friends from all over the world got in touch. It was a great day but towards the end of it, reality set in, I climbed off my blue-bird-of-happiness perch a bit and remembered that Drew wasn't here. There'd be no call from Drew today.

Or would there ... 

In the book I talk about signs from Drew that he's still around. Not long before he passed he sent me the trilogy of "Pirates of the Carribean" to watch and keep. I wasn't really big on pirates to tell you the truth, but I am now because Drew seems to choose this pirate theme to send signs.

So, last night as I was 'going down', I switched on TV and was watching "Dancing with the Stars" (Did you watch it?) and as I half-watched, I realized that one of the pairs was dressed up as pirates and waltzing to "The Black Pearl" (name of the pirate ship) from "Pirates of the Caribbean." Hmmm.  Pirates, a parrot - my favorite dance - Drew's movies -and at the end of the dance, the male dancer stepped forward with a  "Happy Birthday ..." message. Loud and clear.

I don't believe in coincidence.

Thank you Sweet Drew.

Adjust Your Sails and Keep Moving!

All through our lives we find ourselves dealing with change. Seasons change, the weather changes, people change, we get old (let me tell you, this getting older nonsense is a real pain specially when you wake up one morning and lo and behold you discover you can't see a darn thing because "poor eyesight" has moved in overnight) friendships change, feelings change and the list goes on. Some changes may even be life-changing. Things happen and sometimes we can control them and sometimes we can't. Change happens. And it's true that if you can rely on nothing else in this world you can count on nothing staying the same. Have you noticed?
I think this is the way that life moves forward, grows and expands and it's not always easy to climb aboard and go with the pain-in-the-patootie flow. Growing pains are tough. Sometimes they're painful, sometimes even excruciating and some of them can be incomprehensible. But there are also some that are unbelievably exciting and fun. One thing's for sure, they are all a little scary because there's always that element of the unknown to deal with. 
The element of the unknown can be another pain in the neck. I happen to like things I am familiar with. I'm comfortable with things I know - comfortable with things that are predictable and therefore easy to deal with. "But you're not growing sitting around in that Lazy Person chair of yours" I hear. Do I have to? Well, I think you have a choice and given the choice of sitting around and slowly atrophying could be life-changing in it's own way. Predictable though. I'm not sure I want to dwell on that sort of predictability.
 I'm too curious to know what else is out there and I've decided that if I sit around using up a lot of energy protesting the changes that sneak up on me, I'll never know. So I'm thinking Let's Go. Let's find out where this road leads to. This particular stretch may be bumpy, lined with thorny bushes and strewn with rocks but What's Around the Next Bend? It might just be wonderful.  
So I'll try hard to welcome change, trusting the thought that someone up there has a plan for me. (It better be a good one.) I'll hope that it is, even though there's an elment of the unknown in that too. But I'll walk towards it in anticipation. 
When the winds change, I'll adjust my sails, heel out, skate along the edge of that wind feeling its touch and the sound of its voice leading me forward. Here's to this crazy life and to where ever we're all going. I hope it's leading us to something wonderful. To something, somewhere above and beyond all our dreams. 
Happy Trails!

No Place to Hide

When justice fails, as it may have done last night in Georgia when that state executed Troy Davis, then where can we hide? We are all vulnerable, not just the mad dogs among us but everyone of us can fall victim to imprecise and therefore fallible justice. 

I don't claim to know all the facts of the case. We don't know for sure that Troy Davis did not shoot a policeman in Georgia - but when seven out of nine accusers/witnesses recant their testimony to the effect that he did, we have to wonder. When seven out of nine people say they misspoke when they said Troy Davis killed a policeman, the criteria of "beyond reasonable doubt" is nullified and then surely, the death penalty must be thrown out. But that didn't happen.

The State Board of Pardons and Paroles that is supposed to act as the safety net in these instances, withdrew that net and ordered the killing of a man without knowing whether he was innocent or guilty.

It is my opinion that in a world peopled by human beings who by our very nature are inconsistent, impressionable, fallible and sometimes just plain wrong, there should be no such thing as a death penalty in our justice system. People and Justice system they control are just too inexact, too tainted by prejudice, too arbitrary to be trusted with the barbaric task of deciding who lives and who dies.

This country must hang its head today. And give vengeance back to God, where it belongs.

To All The Girls I've Loved Before! Going Back ...

     Sometimes you CAN go back. A group of us went back thirty-eight and forty-eight years last weekend when we met at Marymount in Tarrytown NY for a reunion of old girls and older sisters.

     You would never have known that some of us were grandparents, others dealing with the nuisances of old age and life's glitches, because all of us brought our spirits along and they are all 'the perfect age'. All I know is that I felt about 22 and so did a lot of the others. We talked, we ate, we drank plenty of wine and sang the old school song - and cried - while a few brave husbands and partners (who hadn't been at our all-girls school) looked on at first, and then joined in with gusto.

     The girls came from as far away as Australia and South Africa, Zambia, Zimbabwe, Holland, England,Canada and the USA. (That would be me and a couple of others.) We brought with us scant luggage but plenty of life experiences, some sad, some tragic, some weird and wonderful. We threw this stuff out on the table and shared it all, ate more potato chips, drank more wine, laughed somemore and - cried. Just as we used to. What FUN!

     Funny how the all the things we remembered from all those years ago that were so tragic (e.g. dumped by the pimply love of your life) or so over-the-top wonderful, happy and glamorous (the summer balls, the winter balls, the end of term, rugby matches at the boys school...) pale in the light of age, maturity, a ton of life gone under the bridge along with a few husbands, the birth of babies and grandchildren. These were our yesterdays and something of today.

     Then we found something new - all these years later when some of us are fifty years young, some of us are impressively eighty plus - all of us are still young in spirit, still vibrant, witty and gorgeous. We found new life, new energy, a ton of love and shared experience in a group of bright, beautiful, life-tested women who will never let time - or us - forget them.

Thank you all for marking one of the milestones of my life!

Living and Breathing and Changing.

It's not bad being alive in August. Summer is in full bloom, the colors on this planet earth are phenominal. Bright green leaves, blue skies and bright white clouds. But nothing is static. Everything changes all the time. A storm moves in and the clouds go from bright white to deep purples and grays. Mist rolls over a meadow and mutes the bright orange of summer daisies, the scarlet poppies and the golden spears of dry grass. Wind ruffles the ocean and crests its blue and green depths with white foam.
Nothing stays the same. Ever. The sun sparkles and lights the world in summer. The winter snow glistens and hushes the rush of of life.
The earth is in constant motion. How can anyone doubt that we live on a living, breathing planet?  One that feeds us, warms us, cools us and shelters us. Some call her Mother Earth. When you're hurting you can feel the upheaval in her breast. When you're happy, feel the bounce in your every step, the warmth of her sun and the music of the wind, the trees and the birds that share our home place.
It's a beautiful world. We share this wonderful heavenly body with all peoples, all creatures - all souls. The Blue Planet, Gaia the ancients called her. Planet earth is ours.
Love her back.

Beach Cruising

It's hot in the sun, the beach is bouncing with children, colored balls and seagulls scurring along the shore.  Red umbrellas flutter in the north easterly breeze that keeps things cool and broad-brimmed sun hats flapping.
I feel life renewing itself all around me.
We've all stepped into another world closing the door on city streets and honking cabs, market reports and grouchy co-workers. There are no lawns to be mowed here, no trash to haul and appointments can wait until next week. Worries and sadness can be buried in the sand or run off down the beach or tossed out to sea for an hour or two.
All I have to do today is lean back in the sunshine, listen to the ocean and breathe. This may be a small piece of Heaven that's drifted to earth. I'm glad it landed where I am.
Out of half closed eyes I see children chasing a gull they'll never catch, and team of young men, their hair glossy with sea water, young bodies muscled and tanned, moving in step down the beach, approaching a team of bikinied lovlies, walking in step towards them. They toss their heads in feigned nonchalance - like the wild ponies that run on the beaches further north of here.
They meet and slowly pass each other.The girls giggle, the young men stare at the sand, clear their throats, trying not to grin. Except for one who separates from the team, walks backwards and yells, "Ohhh baby!"
Courage deserts in the sound of their delighted laughter and the boys canter off down the beach.
Cruising the beach. Life renewing itself. Warm, happy and young.

Bird Watcher

     Miss Kitty is under house arrest. I'm sorry to have to resort to this but the mourning doves have fledglings that are leaving the nest for the first time and the cat can't wait! I have caught her  - twice - crouched below the nest smacking her lips - and chattering her teeth.
     She's an inside/outside cat, with claws and all her instincts in tact. She is afraid of nothing including the three large and rather stupid but aimiable brown labs that live next door.Three dogs. Miss Kitty would never put up with that in this house and in that, she and I are in agreement. So we spend more time than we like seeing them off. They bark at me when I race out like an outer mongolian waving and yelling and smacking the deck rails - and insolently lift their legs on my roses, but when the cat appears they run like the devil's unchained. It's because they've all been on the receiving end of those claws. She used to have to chase them but now all she has to do is stand on the top step, puff up into that hallow'een cat thing and it freaks them out. Totally.
    But she may not scare the birds. And we both know that scaring birds is the least of her bad intentions. She wants to eat them. And that is why she is incarcerated for the next week. Not easy for a fietsy little she-cat.
Until next time.